Saturday, March 31, 2012

Another random update

It was great chatting with Bong Boy after ages. And soon after that, I got to chat with M as well. That was a double treat. Just chatting and discussing mindless random stuff, discovering that we shared the same taste in yet another thing, and laughing over some of our memories made me feel good, much much better than I'd felt in a while.

M&I tried the video chatting, but I was starting to doze off. And she suddenly told me, "Hey, I can see a beach. And a parachute". I looked all around myself, but I could find neither beach nor parachute in my hostel room. Not even in some poster on the walls... And all I could see was her daughter's photo. Then Google very kindly informed us that there was some error. It is finally dawning on me that we were seeing each other's display photos.

To offset our disappointment, we made plans of having DBC at Corner House the next time we met. I don't know why, but this DBC has been coming into my mind quite often of late. Not that M&I haven't eaten out at other places. Why, once we even drank a soft drink that she continues to refer to as "that yellow liquid which came from a fountain" (Did she almost smell it before gingerly (& bravely) taking a sip? Or was it just resignation to fate. Especially after the weird looks we got from the people near the counter... )

Anyway, that was one of the best times I had in the recent past.

And today was also quite good, especially with the William books I was reading (I'm still laughing), and the dinner I had with my aunt and cousins. Oh, also my cooking turned out to be very delicious. I didn't even have to taste the dishes and "rectify" them. That good!

On that note of modesty, I take leave now. Bon weekend, folks!


She still hopes that the dreams of the waterfalls and the beach come true. That the plans innocently laid when neither knew better would materialize. That what she hopes for would one day come to be. That they'd regain the lost magic.

She knows that they would never happen, and that it took her ages to come back to reality.

She wonders which was the bigger mistake - dreaming, or hoping that they'd have a chance to come true...

Thursday, March 29, 2012


It seems ironical that I'm playing "With a little help from my friends" in my guitar class, given that I'm currently going through yet another of my phases, this time being what was called "the equivalent of spring cleaning in relationships" in a newspaper...
"...bittersweet symphony that's life..."

Wrong shape

"A potato, being so knobbly in shape, requires an expert marksman to throw it" - PGW (I think it isn't completely word perfect, but at least, the first part is)
It just struck me this evening that my head seems to be like a potato, and requires an expert to make it look even somewhat presentable. It reminds me of an argument of the Outlaws - I think it's Ginger accusing William, or it could be the other way round (my memory isn't all that good), saying, "Your head is the wrong shape". Mine is, too!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Damn. This is the nth draft I've discarded. So, how do I start?

Where does one start talking about a friend? Does one begin at the beginning? Or does one start talking about the person? Or why you'd even want to talk about him/her?

I'd begin at the beginning, if there was one. There isn't one specific point in time that I could point out and say, "This is the moment when our paths crossed", or, "this was when we became friends". How do I explain the feeling that I already knew him when we first got in touch? That the very first time we spoke, it was like a conversation with a friend I'd known since my childhood days?

Well. To cut a long story short, he was there in my life one day. Just like that, a chance event. Just like the initial days with my best friend M, I had no idea how my life was about to change forever. Until then, we'd been strangers. And suddenly, there was one less stranger in the world to me, and one more friend in my life.

He reads. A big plus, if you ask me. Plus, he loves PGW. And he even knows who I'm talking about when I mention William Brown. I once told him how I'd woken up in the middle of the night to sit up and laugh at a Wodehouse joke I'd suddenly remembered, and he told me how he could totally relate to it. I found that I usually enjoyed the books he recommended. (I also enjoyed his writing.)

I once had a discussion with him on our musical tastes, as I hadn't been much into English music back then. He was the one who introduced me to rock. He knew what I meant, when I tried to explain that the soppy lyrics of songs from my teenage years no longer held much appeal to me, and suggested a few songs I might enjoy. Boy, did I like them! I got hooked, and went on to explore some more. But for him, I would have missed out on so much. The best part of it all was that I was once more open to new experiences, trying things out before forming my opinions of them.

You know what they say about comfortable silences. I enjoyed them with him. And like with M, conversation just happens. And continues.

He's someone who used to laugh at my lame jokes, and take my teasing in good humour.

He's the only person I've written more than one personalized verse for :)

I could just go on and on forever, but I'd end up doing what he says I do - put him up on a pedestal. I'd rather not do that. (He even managed to laugh when I told him I was reminded of a Woody Allen quote about putting wives under a pedestal rather than on one...)

Anyway, why I started this in the first place was that a conversation I had this morning made me think of him, and as I was seeing things through the rose-tinted vision of Nostalgia, I ended up remembering the great times we used to have.

It's been ages since we were in touch. And that is somehow fitting. Being the people we are, I think this is the best way.

To end with quote from a song I absolutely love, by one of his favourites,

"Someday all the rules will bend,
and you and I will meet again...
..., I got a feeling so strong,
maybe someday, our roads will cross"

(I was just thinking of how similar our tastes were, and suddenly realized that we don't support the same football teams... :) )

(This took quite a while to write, as there were many distractions in between, and with Sleep beckoning to me as well. While I was writing this, my friend mentioned a chocolate he was going to have, and as I didn't get one despite my offer that I'd brush my teeth again. That he's in the US, and I'm in India doesn't matter. Anyway, his denying me my chocolate made me lose track of what I was writing, and all that I'd planned to write, some really good lines were there too, got pushed out of my mind. So now you know whom to blame if this post sounds bad, incoherent, insert-negative-adjective-here... Yes, V is the one to blame.)

The mystery that turned out to be not one

This morning, as I was walking on the corridor, I noticed the lock on our classroom door, and suddenly I realized that the lights and fan were on. I was wondering who'd left them on, when I looked up and found a classmate sitting inside the room. I stopped on my tracks, to wonder how she'd  achieved the impossible feat. It was only when I turned and looked back that I realized that the other door to the room was open :) And since she was sitting closer to the other door, she hadn't turned on the other lights and fans.

Alas, so much for my mystery and thinking of Houdini...

What I forgot in my last post

I just realized that I'd forgotten to mention a couple of things in my last post. So here goes :

- For once, instead of reading during my dinner, I ended up being on the phone through most of my dinner...

- During the conversation where M called me 'greedy', he also asked who A was. I told him who A was, and added that he'd have seen him in the lab. (In case that's ambiguous, as a certain Mr. K claimed the titles of the papers I was reading were (maybe this is ambiguous as well, is it, K?), the he here is M, and the him is A.) (Maybe I was better off without making this clarification). Anyway, the point I was getting to was that M then said, "Oh, the chocolate boy!" So I asked M what he was, if A was a 'chocolate boy'. He claimed he was a 'brat'. :)

- My paths crossed with those of A Boy. More than once that night... I was just walking around, taking a short break before A's band came on, and thought I might as well get some water now that I was taking a walk. So I came towards my building, and who should come in the opposite direction but A Boy! Much as I'd like to say something like,"our eyes met, and there was a spark", or, "there seemed to be something in the air when our eyes met" (which in this case would have been dust, especially from the crowds walking to and from the ground nearby), in reality, the only thing that happened was that I realized I had to get back soon, and we both continued walking in our respective directions. (Why does this line make me remember Newton's I law?)

And then when I returned, I crossed a group of people dancing, and no prizes for guessing whom I saw in the group. I did get to watch the dance once more, as the group went to the front, passing by where I was sitting with M shortly before he left. (&where N found me later)

- It was also the evening where I think some of my community people finally wrote me off, as I was roaming about with a bottle in one hand, & Patrick French's India-a portrait in the other, saying it was something I'd been reading on the bus.

- It was also the evening when I realized that I'd been seeing A's photo on many posters for quite a long time, without it actually registering in my mind.

I can put more mokkai, but I think I'll stop now and blunten(?) (what's the opposite of sharpen?) my blade for another day :D *

(* - the Tanglish effect, sorry!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

At the Rock Show

I had plans of attending the Rock Show which was part of our Cultural Fest going on at the moment. I didn't have much plans of attending the others, and a bad stomach ensured that I slept through most of it. But the Rock event was one thing I definitely wanted to attend. And when my friend K reminded me that A's band was playing, I decided I wouldn't miss it for the world...

Many of the people in my class don't share my taste in music, and prefer old hindi songs. (My taste in music does not run to very slow songs or high pitched singing.) Last year, I ended up missing half the concert owing to my then-friends. But this year, I decided I would be there as long as I liked the music.

And so, when I reached campus, it was around 7 P.M., and on calling some people, I came to know that some play was being staged, which would last for a while more. I met a couple of my friends, and one of them came with me to our lab. We got back and the play was still on, so I went to have my dinner. The play was still on when I came back after my dinner, and someone told me it would last at least half an hour more. So, I went back to my room, finished the next chapter of the book I was reading (India -  a portrait by Patrick French). And when I came back, the play had ended.

Or so I thought. They'd just started the credits and speeches, which went on till nearly 10:15 P.M. By then, I was almost running out of patience.

Finally, the stage was being readied for what I'd come there for... I was sitting next to a group of Math students, and their constant chatter provided me some entertainment. There was a group of students standing before us, but when we asked them to sit down, they asked us to come and stand with them.

By then, my friend MK was also there, and he managed to locate me thanks to the clear description I'd given of where I was. We chatted a bit, and then he told me I was greedy for wanting him to sponsor my drum kit as well as a bass guitar. I asked him if he couldn't donate that much to save a friend's life, but he stuck to his POV...

The bands came on at last. I was busy watching the drummers and took breaks by watching the finger-work of the guitarists. 

I took a break and went for a short walk, and when I came back, A's band was still on. MK, who'd been to meet some other friends, was back, and I sat with him for a few minutes, by which time he was ready to leave. I continued sitting there, when my other friend N came there. She asked me why I was there by myself, I said that the others didn't like this kind of music. 

When A's band came on, she came back to me, and I went with her to stand quite close to the stage where I got a splendid view of the band, especially the drummer :)

I enjoyed the show they'd put on, and went back to my room shortly after it ended, around 2:15 A.M.

It didn't matter if my friends weren't there with me, I was good enough company for myself. It felt good to sit there without having to worry if my friends were getting bored, or if I had to leave with them when they wanted to. I was there on my terms. I wanted to catch some music, and watch the drummers in action. Which was what I did. I never felt lonely being there on my own. 

Am looking forward to the day (hopefully very soon) when I'll have my own drum kit, and maybe a bass guitar too...

(P.S. Thanks to N for digging out a beautiful T-shirt with my university logo on it for me)

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sea of negativity

“De temps en temps je craque sous les poids de l’esperance”*

The song playing on my mind is so apt and this line just about sums up what I’m feeling.

It feels like I’m caught in a wave of negativity, a tidal one at that.

Guilt. Loads of it. Guilty of the time I seem to be taking to do something which shouldn’t take so long.  Of not being able to spend enough time with the people who matter. Of wasting time and thoughts on the wrong people, the ones who don’t give a damn to me. Of not doing all that I should be. Of not being all I could be. Of not replying to everyone. Of being unable to take a stand. Of being torn between my priorities.

Guilt. When my family says, “But you’re hardly ever at home.” When granny says, ”Please drop in if you have an hour to spare.” When my friend says, “You have become really busy”, and asks, ”Do you even remember me?”

Frustration. At my inability to find out where I’m going wrong. At getting nowhere despite so much effort. At not being able to get past my current mental block. At not having enough time to do all I want to.  At not being able to get my thoughts across. At not being able to compartmentalize my life. At not knowing myself fully.

Regret. For losing people I thought were friends. For being a difficult person to be with. For not making the effort to keep in touch with a lot of people.

Anger. Impatience.  And anger at my impatience.

Fear. Of the hurt I can cause, if I let my tongue go.  Of losing sight of the big picture. Of forgetting all that I have to be grateful for.

Despair. At not being able to find the hands I’m reaching out for.

Helplessness. Like I’m caught in some cycle, unable to break free and move forward.  Unable to put it into words. Unable to stand the constant strain of fighting the negativity.

As I once told my friend, life would certainly much simpler if I hadn’t been the way I am. But then, that wouldn’t have been me.

I trudge along in the hope that this too shall pass, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually that, and not the mere flicker of someone’s Zippo.
*- Sometimes, I crack beneath the weight of expectations
(P.S. : Apologies for the surplus of negativity in the post. And many thanks to Manu for his feedback and for his encouraging words)

Thursday, March 15, 2012


I can totally relate to this.

"People who were not close before seem to be closer and people who were very close might seem to be strangers." 

At times, it's sad. At times, terrifying.

But then, that's life. We move on. We learn to take things in stride. We forget. Sometimes, we forgive.

Ah, let me end this post before it gets worse - I'm relearning the fact that nothing is as it seems, and there are very few people whom you grow with - the rest, either you drift out of their lives, or they out of yours.

So, here's to rediscovering myself. And realizing who my friends are!

The Mutual Promotion club!

I watched Kahaani last week. My brother was here, and he reluctantly agreed to watch it for me.

One of my friends had told me months before to watch it, especially as she'd been in Calcutta (only the non-Bongs seem to be calling it Kolkata, at least the Bongs I know all say Calcutta!) when the movie was being shot. The day after I watched the movie, another friend (call him D) told me that the movie had been shot around his house, and the places he'd grown up in.
The movie turned out to be quite watchable. It isn't because the movie was shot in Calcutta. (I had a sense of deja vu, as I could identify many of the actors from the Bengali movies I'd been watching of late). It wasn't even because I could read the “Kalighat” written in Bangla. It just was good.

Later, during a conversation with Mr.Mercury, I let it slip that my friend told me the movie had been shot around his place. In response to his questions, I told him that D was an old friend of mine, now in Canada. So, Mr.Mercury tells me, “Good. You should chat with him some more. You should go to Canada. He is a Bong,na? You should marry him”

I later told D that this was what my friend had said. (In fact, my brother was also saying something similar – he said that both French &Spanish are spoken in Canada, plus my friend is a Bong guy, and most important – he's in the food business, so I'll never have to worry about my food!!!) So, now D tells me, “That friend of yours who said this, he's also Bong,na? He seems to be a good friend of yours. So why don't you marry him?”

Is this some kinda Bong networking or what? Some mutual promotion club? Just because I'm learning an Indian language after a long gap (and well, I wanted to learn Malayalam first, but then, both my teachers are very hard to get hold of), everyone is under the impression that I'm actively Bong-hunting!!! Kindly escoos me....

Thursday, March 8, 2012

100, the real one!

So, here it is, my 100th post. Indeed! It almost makes me feel like I'm an avid blogger, and that this might actually mean something. Anyway, I seem to have finally reached the century-mark, something I've been threatening to do for quite a while yet :)

Ah, 100th post, and I'm not sure what to write about...

So, I'll just mention something that passed through my mind today : despite being called 'the Real Reader', there are some books that even I can't read...

I once had to read 'The old man and the sea' for an exam. I thought that it was a novel, so I could just finish it very quickly and be done with it. Alas... So much for over-confidence. I sailed through the first few pages, and then... there was this fisherman waiting to pull in the fish, and the fish stuck with a hook in it. I tried and tried, and even months later, I could not get past that stage. It was one of the few novels I'd given up on. (That I looked up the synopsis online for my exam prep, and scored quite well is another story altogether. And yeah, modesty prevents me from blowing my own trumpet :P )

I've waded through 'The Chronicles of a Death Foretold' (it was when I was learning Spanish, and felt I had to read something by a Latin American, and it only reinforced my earlier lesson that the stuff of Nobel winners usually goes beyond me), and even 'Me speak pretty one day' and 'The book of Loss'. Don't even remind me of some of the Indian writing I almost puked over.

I often end up somehow reading a book once I've started it, so it is an extreme situation when I give up on something.

Sorry, KK, I still haven't finished your Huckleberry Finn (ye olde english takes time for me to comprehend, and patience isn't one of my virtues (modesty again prevents me from extolling my virtues, but be assured that I do have some, or will, once I find them :) ) )  And oh, sorry again, but I have to put 'Conversations with God' here, too :( I haven't been able to make any progress with it.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I come across more readable books. Anyway, I can always re-read Wodehouse :)

So, adios, folks. I've just scribbled something. And now my post count reads a hundred.

Thanks for bearing with me, and for being my patient readers. Many thanks especially to Manu, for being my sole loyal reader who actually takes time to comment/give me feedback...

Thank you, Yahoo!

 This is what dear Y! says :)

 // Libra
The Libra girl is often a stunner, and more than aware of the fact, mind you. Most people may be fooled by her aloof demeanour, and believe her to be arrogant. But remember that, she may be choosy, she herself has such a clear and beautiful mind that it's natural that she take time to find someone she can connect with. Once she is able to match frequencies with her mate, it will be a glorious lifetime of conversations over myriad topics. Not the one to shy away from a good discussion, Libra girl will have a lot to teach her companions, especially in terms of her debating skills. And, remember that she is equally capable of defending the positive and negative side of an argument, as her discerning mind easily critiques the issue and synthesizes information to support her argument. This may become a problem, though, as the Libra girl rarely believes in  giving an argument rest. Lover of beauty and quality in everything, this female is a romantic idealist, and in her search for her Prince Charming, she may leave behind many expectant hearts. And, although, she is no dominatrix, she doesn't want to be bossed over either.//

Debating skills :) Leaving behind expectant hearts???? :)

Thank you, Y!, for my dose of laughter for today :)

(P.S. : The fact that I was reading 'The Magic' yesterday has nothing to with my saying thanks - I'm grateful enough already)

The test

A couple of days ago, my friend and I went for a post-dinner cup of chai, and she had to recharge her phone, so we set out together. We didn't get the recharge card in the first place we went to, so we walked some more and finally found it. I also ran into some friends, so it was only after half an hour that we finally got back to the first place.

As we went up to get the chai, I noticed someone eating under a tree. Now, I've always had this feeling that he was a Mallu. And since my friend was one too, and there's this really big Mallu network on campus, I thought she'd know him. But unfortunately (for me,at least :P), she didn't know him.

Actually, before that she asked me whom I was talking about the one in white, or the other one. I told her off for that. Why, she was almost right in front of them, when she turned to me and asked that, so what else could I do?

Anyway, my friend said that she'd talk something to me in Malayalam while we crossed them, and if he was Mallu, he'd look up at the sound of his language. And she did talk in Malayalam, and he did look up. And just when I thought that she'd found out for sure, she tells me, "I don't know whether he looked up because I was speaking Malayalam, or because of the sound of my voice" :|

Oh, if only there were some tests for Mallu-ness and Bong-ness... Then I wouldn't have to rely on others so much :)

(P.S. : I suddenly told my friend, let's take another walk, and she asked why, I told her that this guy had gone that way, and she claims I was sight-adichifying (sorry, I can't think of a suitable translation) him :P It was hilarious, the expression on her face!)

(P.P.S. Damn! Why can't I ever think of a good title for my posts?)

Another random update

It was an eye-opener for me to see two of my friends having a heated argument on the habits of Bengali people. And with one of them telling me that the easiest way to get into a Bong circle was to start smoking or drinking, I realized the need for me to clarify something. So, here :

I'm not desperate for a Bong Boy. Or any guy, for that matter :)

Methinks that even if I'm just going about my life, my friends will hunt a BB for me!!! Why, HG keeps giving me advice and tips on BB's and their habits. Even when I don't need it...

Just a small update :)

(P.S. I'm editing my mailing list, something I'd been planning to do for a long time; and like the cat i' the adage, as PGW says, (and I think it isn't the same as Schrodinger's), I let 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would'... Anyway, to cut a long story short, I don't want to intrude upon your inboxes any more...)