Really?

Last night, out of sheer boredom, I randomly Googled 'hyderabad dating'. (Go on, Google it yourself. I dare you ;) )

And what comes up?

So, when you want to date, is it a 'sex partner ' that you're looking for?

When in doubt, consult Urban Dictionary. And what do I get? This. So, dating also means, "Socially acceptable form of prostitution".

Thank you Google. Thank you Urban Dictionary.

And, I randomly clicked on the Locanto site, mainly because it did not scream 'sex partners'. Sigh! So much for hoping that it'd turn out to be different...

"25 looking for good housewifes and aunties"
" handsome guy with body muscles seeks woman for NSA satisfaction" (Body muscles? Seriously? Where else do you have muscles?)
"I want sexy girls or aunty s for sex with free of cost" (Yes. aunty s :|)

Then there's an equally wonderful 'women seeking men' tab, where all hot, sexy young women and 'lonely housewives' are waiting for their 'bavas'.

I didn't have the energy or the courage to see what the other tabs said.

Oh, and I also browsed through Meetup. "Myself ABC". 'nuff said. I was out of there.

I'm trying to wonder what a 'date' would be like. What if the handsome guy with body muscles has bad breath or BO? Who is this Aunty S? And what is 'sex with free of cost'? Is 'free of cost' a person? Is it like a threesome with whoever that is?  Why are so many young women waiting for their bavas? What happens if they 'date' anyone other than their bavas? What is so special about bavahood?

My friend V is pulling my leg saying I should totally create a profile on the Locanto site :| Thank you, God, for such wonderful friends.

And now I'll leave... It's nearing midnight, and I'm yet to process and reconcile with this whole new meaning of dating ...

(Yes, I'm a grammar nazi. And remember, even if I'm smiling sweetly at you, I'm mentally correcting your grammar. I do it for my own sake - there's only so much bad grammar I can tolerate. I can understand if you're learning it only now/lack practice. I'll tolerate your bad grammar (but maybe not spellings... yuck!), but only if you write this well. In which case, I'll admire you openly. And if, like him, you tweet PGW stuff and football-related 'matter' ( ;) ), then I might even wonder what a date with you would be like... And then, I'd remember that dating is looking for a sex partner, and since I'd actually want to talk and befriend (not to be confused with making fraandship) you (first ;) ), 'dating' is not an option...)

Why Ganesha, why?

This week's prediction for Libra

Ganesha predicts that during this week you shall be very sharp intellectually. You may feel like socialising, and might seek out the company of your siblings, people in the neighbourhood or even your colleagues. This week you shall have a good rapport with the people in your circle. You shall also freely share your views and ideas with others. Moreover, people around you shall appreciate your knowledge or skills, which in turn shall boost your moral. Ganesha finds you taking a keen interest in helping people sort out mutual issues. At the beginning of the week, you may not be in a very good mood, but as the week progresses you shall get back in your elements. A new romantic link can also be established through the Internet or in some other manner, feels Ganesha.


Through the internet or in some other manner, eh? I wonder why Ganesha feels the way I talk. "You know, yes, that something. Ah, something else happened. No, not that something. Ah, yes, that something. Thanks, I'd forgotten the name. I knew it was called something." (I say 'something', literally. Sometimes, I say ,' that' or 'this', or even, 'it', just in order not to sound repetitive, you know ;) )


Now even this Ganesha is making fun of my 'love-life'... Sigh! Such is life...


I'll sign out now and wait for the new romantic link which might be established through the internet or in some other manner...

What was I thinking?

Last night, I came across things I'd written years ago. I made it only halfway through one and barely skimmed through the other, before having to stop - I was cringing and asking myself, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?".

One of the things I found was a story about a rainbow. It's not all that bad. I know and remember what I'd written in it, so it wasn't much of a shocker. The other was a poem. Called 'The City'. Some 66 lines of drivel. On and on, on and on, in that horrible strain. I should have been content with that. But was I? No. I needed the icing on the cake. In the form of an explanation. "The topic may refer to Heaven, "The City" (of Angels/ of God). But I assumed that it was a description of any city in our world, not Heaven". Sheesh!

It only gets worse, and I wisely refrained from reading the next "poem", though I couldn't help glancing at it. (And shuddering)

***

I was just thinking about how I pose for pictures - I almost always end up standing / sitting in really awkward poses.

We recently came across some old childhood photos. And, there was a common theme among my photos - in most of them, I was sitting with my legs spread :) Very ladylike from that young age, I know...

Speaking of legs, Senorita B and I were booking our tickets, and she asked me which bus I preferred. I told her I was OK with whatever she chose, as long as I had enough space to spread my legs. I meant to say, "space enough to stretch my legs". I swear. (Senorita B. still asks me if I want to spread my legs. :| )

Anyway, back to the photos... and Senorita B.... That precious girl took a picture of me at Hampi. What was I doing? Doing my awkward oh-see-I'm-standing-is-this-not-posing-enough pose. What was I doing in the photo? Not sure. I looked like a Bollywood hero in an item number - hands on the hips - one in front, one behind, imaginary handkerchief between legs... Start sequence - kerchief forward, kerchief backward, forward, backward...

The one other pose which seems consistent is the legs-apart-belly-out one. My brother says I look like a poster-girl... for any of the 'fight against hunger' groups.

And guess what? There was a picture of me. Red lips. Deep red. My hair in a 'fountain kudumi'. And I was glaring at the camera. (I must have been 7 then, but still...)

My friends tell me I should learn to pose. I am very reluctant about having my photo taken, so I guess the day is still far off.

(Mr. V tells me I could then possible become a "hot aunty". Is that incentive enough?!)

***

Don't even let me start on my old diaries/journals. "Today, he spoke to me. He asked me if there was any homework in English.!!!". "He smiled in my direction". "She did not talk to me, but had lunch with that girl. I should probably stop talking to her". And so on. The original schoolgirl and puppy love soppy stuff. Teenage angst, you know ;)

***

Maybe I should stop now, while damage control is still possible.

Adios :)

What my friends think...

On a whim, I once asked some of my close friends what they thought my autobiography would be like.

Senorita B said it'd be soft porn. 

SM said it'd be a collection of random anecdotes, all starting with, "Oh, and then there is this other mental/ridiculous/funny thing I did..."

Dear darling MK said it'd be filled with Spanish footballers and written in at least five languages, and dotted with 'stupid men who don't deserve me', and 'one Prince Charming who'll come riding on a white horse and take me to happily ever after'...

(MK, is there some place where you can place an order like this : Spanish footballers (quantity: 2, preference : goalkeeper), and Prince Charming (quantity : 1, horse colour : white (in stock)/black(out of stock) ), same day delivery available?)

AP was the only one kind enough to say , "deep".

(And my mind was abuzz with 'that's what she said' jokes)

UP said it'd be chaotic, hilarious, and like a cookbook. I later pointed out to him that I prefer to eat, and writing cookbooks would mean I'd have to do the cooking, which I'd rather not...

SC said it'd be a monologue...

HC said it'd be interesting :)

And this is the kind of friends I have... Sigh!

(Though I also wonder why/how they stick around despite knowing I'm totally loony)

Kis(s)-mat!

I was just reading this blogpost by my sole loyal reader (assuming he is still reading!) , and also stumbled upon this.

What do I do? Do I maintain my silence in order to retain my "good Indian girl" image (yes, that mistaken impression you might have gotten)? Or, do I reveal some scandalous details about myself and my life? (Maybe doing the latter would increase the readership of my blog :P )

Coherence. Now, that would be nice. My mind has already gone off in a hundred tangents, and I've almost forgotten what it was that I was going to say.

Ah, so back to what might have been what I was going to write about. Kissing. Hugging. Public displays of affection. Moral policing. Sex. (I remember reading on someone's blog that writing the word 'sex' would increase readership - ah, shameless me :P).

Well, I don't see any problem with any of the above mentioned (except the moral policing, of course). I have hugged & been hugged by many people. Including the "half a hug" by Senorita B. That the hugs were mainly a form of greeting shouldn't matter. (Senorita B. did hug me in public, but something that just barely qualified as a hug. This from someone who goes around offering hugS (note the plural) to SM. That she thinks I'm hitting on her is another matter. )

I indulge in very public displays of affection - mostly with books I love, and sometimes with people. I guess it's only the fact that books are inanimate objects that has saved me from being a big-time slut :P (I have been reading urban dictionary a lot these days ;) ). About the people I've done PDA with, I'd prefer not to reveal... Isn't it a lady who kisses and indulges in PDA but doesn't reveal it?

Sex. We have a problem even saying the word. I remember vaguely my biology classes in school, and the embarrassed giggling, the discussions. I recall my friend telling me how "it would just happen", saying "condoms" like a bad word, and another friend giving me a copy of Penthouse letters, "since I read even 'such stuff'". An acquaintance asking if I'd ever seen a "bf movie", and lapsing into silence when I asked what a 'bf movie' was :P (Psst... I'm a naive young girl. Don't believe SM or Senorita B when they tell you I'm not as innocent as I seem, they're probably jealous or something). Friends who were surprised that I could say 'sex' and not be embarrassed. The friend who accused me of declaring him "unfit for sex", when I was merely saying I had my preferences, he could have his and that's all there is to it.

(My phone is a nymphomaniac - it keeps giving me suggestions like 'orgy', or 'pants'... (I type Tamil words in English, and so , 'Enna panra?' (what are you doing?) becomes 'Enna pants?' - now why would I be interested in your pants? What do you even reply to it? Does my phone mean the British pants, as in trousers, or the American ones, the undergarment?) Now, it keeps suggesting 'nudie', when I try to type a friend's name... Mad phone, I tell you! )

Moral policing, I don't really get it. I don't even have enough time to do all the things (and people)  I want to do, where's the time to sit and watch what others are doing, and comment on them? And why? Why would you even want to waste your energy on that? And what do you get from it?

I'm not a voyeur (yet) , but sometimes I come across people kissing/hugging, and I stop to look at them for a moment before continuing along my way. It's nice to see the joy, the little expressions of love. It makes me feel happy for the people who are doing it, and I'm glad they have found someone to share the moment with...

I have never come across sex in public. I'm referring to the consensual act here. Not some random jerks leaving their fly open or masturbating on a public bus. Ah, "eve-teasing" - I don't even wish to begin.

Sigh! How I have rambled on... Guess it's enough for now...

And so I sign out, in the hope that Senorita B will decide to give me the remaining half of the hug. And maybe I should (pretend to)  sleep to see if some Prince decides to kiss me awake. Spanish footballers** are welcome, too. (And gentlemen, you can say "No", too! *Gasp*... I know... But yeah, I can understand what "no" means :P)

Adios, folks!

(** - not necessarily goalkeepers :P )

* - a terrible pun. Kiss mat, Hindi for , "Don't kiss", and kismat is something like fate.
(And yes, SC, "we Tamilians"... *evil grin* . Go bang your head against some wall :P )

Not Spanish...yet

Today, I was asked what the usual cuisine in my house was. I stared at her (the person who asked),  not comprehending what she was asking, or why she even had such a doubt. A friendly prompt, listing options such as Italian and Mediterranean plunged me deeper into confusion. I hesitatingly answered, "typical South Indian", and added, "Why?". She tells me, "Do you remember the Freshers' and how you were introduced? I thought you had been born and brought up in Spain." Sigh! I wish! :P I reassured them that KK had just been pulling my leg, though I was indeed mad about Spain and dream of marrying a Spanish footballer.

* Flashback mode *

Freshers' party last year. We had to select a chit with our names on it, and introduce that person. And dear Mr. KK got my name. He mentioned something about my being a Spaniard masquerading as a Tam Brahm girl. He also spoke about my playing the guitar.

(I had to introduce a guy I had hardly interacted with (not that I interact with many people...), and after mentioning that I'd just spoken to him a few times, I said something to the effect of, "He works on something related to Information Theory, and we once discussed something. I don't know what exactly he works on, but he works on something." I used "something" at least five times in the three lines I spoke. Ah, I digress, this post isn't about me... (or maybe it is!) )

* Fast forward to the present*

I thought everyone knew my Spanish locura, but this was the first time I was mistaken for someone who has lived in Spain :P All in good time, ma cherie - I am definitely bestowing my presence on my beloved Spain, but just not yet ;)

Hasta pronto!

Of threats and treats

Looks like you don't have to be rich, famous or even drop-dead gorgeous to be on someone's hitlist...

I've just been thinking and recalling the things people have told me they are going to kill me for :

- I was told, "voy a matarte" for finishing a 2-hour exam in 20 minutes! (I was even told I should sit in the last bench right by the door, so no one would know when I finished the exam )

- A friend once told me, "I am going to kill you when you come here", and later mellowed down enough to just want to kick me. The reason? "Simply" :|

- I get threatened, with death and loss of friendship, if I talk to or about certain people...

- As if death threats weren't enough, people tell me they are waiting with sticks and weapons. Why? Mainly because I haven't been able to visit them, even when I did finally manage to take a break. (Though I didn't want to take a risk by calling their bluffs and get beaten with sticks and whatnots :P )

- Why, I was even told that someone would cut off my braid in a bus. Just because I had beautiful thick hair at one point of time.

- And how can I forget my brother and cousins threatening to let drops of curd (and pieces of fruits and veggies I don't eat) fall on my plate/leaf while eating, especially if I don't comply to their requests...

But to be honest, I haven't always been at the receiving end of these threats. I have made some of my own ;)

(My brother says I was born a rowdy, so he'd say all this is perfectly in line with my character :P )

- I have threatened SC that I would sing to him. A lullaby. In Marathi. And that I'd embarrass him in front of his friends. (Details not to be revealed here ;) )

- I have told friends that I'd let them sample my cooking. (I cook quite well. Really. Just don't ask my brother ;) )

- I made a friend watch Child Moon (err, Pillai Nila). (That he took revenge on me is another matter altogether)

It isn't my fault that people mistake my treats for threats...

I'm threatened too. And not just me, my team as well - my friends (& also my brother) tell me that my team will lose the match, sometimes because I fail to do something they want. (And other times, well, just because I support the team!)

Oops... Ignore the second part. I am *NOT* a rowdy. ;)

Thank you :)